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| A couple of 14-carat gold wedding rings. (Photo credit: Wikipedia) |
In my experience, people totally
underestimate marriage. It's pretty much the same as two totally
different species coming together and expecting to develop an instant
bond. In reality, it doesn't just happen! It is important to remember
that, especially if you have not lived together first, two
personalities are coming together and trying to create a harmonious
family. I believe that marriage is a totally new beginning and it is
necessary for both the wife and the husband to sacrifice some aspects
of their former bachelor life including their routines and habits.
It's about accommodating the other person and helping them to fit
into your life and vice versa.
I see my siblings, workmates and
friends getting into marriage problems and wondering where it went
wrong, but to me it is clear that neither of them was willing to
bend. I look at my parents and see how they have been together for
almost 40 years – they coexist, revolving around each other as if
in each other's orbit. If they ever fight they don't do it in front of
me and my siblings. They are my role models.
As men, we are not really expected to
talk about our emotions and I think that is one of the problems. I
asked my Dad what the secret was and he gave me some valuable advice.
The first thing he told me is that men must realise that despite what
society says – we are NOT the dominant ones. He told me men have to
support their wives and take their fair share of all duties because
especially now, women are taking more financial responsibility in the
home and men are no longer the breadwinners. He also advocates mutual
respect and starting afresh. He says when my Mom and him argue (they
do after all!) they agree to drop it when resolved. Once you have
forgiven each other there is no going back and casting it up during
the next disagreement.
However, the most important advice he
gave me was : 'let go of your bachelor life'. The moment you find the
woman you will marry, that is when your bachelor life ends. There is
no longer the same freedom because it becomes necessary to plan
outings and social engagements in advance. Do not be resentful,
remember that your wife will be making exactly the same sacrifices.
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